A local support group member mentioned this article to me at last night’s support group meeting. Someone interviewed in this article makes the point that “spousal caregivers typically take on greater burdens than they can reasonably handle and wait longer to ask for outside help, because they feel like it would ‘betray the relationship’.”
The article ends with this list from the National Family Caregivers Association of suggestions for all family caregivers (not just spouse caregivers):
* Accept offers of help: Do not carry your burden alone. Build a support system from friends, neighbors, family and church groups.
* Give yourself a break: Make a schedule that provides you with some off time to focus on your own needs.
* Watch your own health: Don’t put off doctor appointments. Be sure to eat right and get your exercise — even a few minutes a day can make a difference.
* Review your loved one’s health care coverage: Some health plans for people on Medicare and Medicaid provide support to family caregivers, such as respite care and transportation help.
* Seek expert advice: Care managers offered by some health plans can help you shoulder your caregiving responsibilities by guiding you to resources and services. Joining a support group in your community may also be a major benefit.
An online friend Bill, a hospice nurse, had the following to say about this article:
“Great article! I would personally add that list of suggestions to page one of any caregiver resource manual for [any disorder]. This REALLY hit home with me as I’ve seen caregivers of patients on our service die after refusing to accept help. It’s just horribly tragic. It’s hard to speculate on the motivations of others, but it’s almost as if spouses sometimes feel that its their obligation to carry all of the responsibilities of caregiving alone. The reality is that it’s a 24 hour job and regardless of how much you love the person, we all have human limitations. It’s a beautiful emotion, but love is not enough. I’ve received the impression from some caregiving spouses, when broaching the subject of private or family help, that they perceive accepting assistance as being a personal failure on their part. This is their spouse and they take priority, they will sleep and take care of themselves later. It’s not just drama to say that sometimes later never comes because they die trying to do more that anyone reasonably can.”
Here’s a link to the article:
http://www.mercurynews.com/family-relationships/ci_15686085
A ‘lonely marriage’: Spousal caregivers confront brutal challenges
By Chuck Barney
Contra Costa Times
Posted: 08/08/2010 08:49:42 AM PDT
