“You’re Sorry for Someone’s Loss. But How Do You Say It?” (NYT)

This recent New York Times article contains some do’s and don’ts about expressing sorrow for someone’s loss.  The experts review these topics:

* digital condolences (social media and email)
* getting started (don’t procrastinate)
* draw on your memories (“share a memory of the person who died with the bereaved”)
* offer concrete ways to help
* what not to say (don’t refer to your own experiences with death)
* the importance of reaching out

The article mentions this webpage of sample condolence messages:

condolencemessages.net/condolence-messages

Here’s a link to the full article:

www.nytimes.com/2017/08/24/smarter-living/condolence-letters-how-to.html

Smarter Living
You’re Sorry for Someone’s Loss. But How Do You Say It?
By Christopher Mele
The New York Times
Aug. 24, 2017

Robin

 

“Even healthy people need a living will, but many people don’t want to think about it”

This is a good article from today’s “Washington Post” (washingtonpost.com) on why people may not complete a living will. The author makes the point that even if you don’t have a living will, everyone (healthy or not) should designate in writing a healthcare proxy and, ideally, have a discussion with the proxy about end-of-life wishes.

Here are some excerpts from the article:

* Even though advance directives have been promoted for nearly 50 years, only about a third of U.S. adults have them, according to a recent study. People with chronic illnesses were only slightly more likely than healthy individuals to document their wishes.

* “Many people don’t sign advance directives because they worry they’re not going to get any care if they say they don’t want” cardiopulmonary resuscitation, said the study’s senior author, Katherine Courtright, an instructor of medicine in pulmonary and critical care at the University of Pennsylvania. “It becomes this very scary document that says, ‘Let me die.'”

* That’s where the health-care proxy comes in. Just naming someone isn’t enough, though. To be effective, people need to have conversations with their proxy and other loved ones to talk about their values and what matters to them at the end of life.

The full article is worth reading:

www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/even-healthy-people-need-a-living-will-but-many-people-dont-want-to-think-about-it/2017/08/04/121f99ac-76d3-11e7-8f39-eeb7d3a2d304_story.html

Even healthy people need a living will, but many people don’t want to think about it
By Michelle Andrews
Washington Post
August 7, 2017 at 7:00 AM

Robin

 

“Getting It Right At The End Of Life”

This personal story about the author’s terminally ill mother illustrates the importance of making your end-of-life wishes known and legally supported.

Excerpt:

When—just a few days after her eighty-ninth birthday—my mother was diagnosed with a colorectal mass (we would later learn it was cancerous), she restated to me what I long knew to be her fervent wish: no treatment of any kind beyond symptom relief. NO invasive procedures, NO chemo or radiation, NO life-prolonging treatments. NONE! She wanted only one thing: to spend the rest of her days, however many or few there were to be, in her apartment in her lively and supportive community. My job was simply to help make sure her wishes were honored. As it turned out, this was not so simple at all. Just days after the initial diagnosis, despite my mother’s long-standing, clearly stated, and just-repeated wish, I found myself reluctantly making an appointment for a preoperative examination with a surgeon for a procedure to reroute her intestine around the mass. How had we ever come to even consider this?

The full article is here:

content.healthaffairs.org/content/36/7/1336.full

Getting It Right At The End Of Life
by Dina Keller Moss
Health Affairs
July 2017; Volume 36, Issue 7

Worth reading!

Robin

 

Grief tests our resilience and teaches us more about life than death

Today, I came across the website Option B (optionb.org), which is focused on resilience. The website’s tag line is: “Resilience is like a muscle. We’re here to help you build it.”

There’s a thought-provoking article from April 2017 by Arianna Huffington about the need to embrace grief. She writes:

“There are few things that test our resilience more than the death of a loved one. Grief can be isolating and grueling and feel insurmountable. But it’s also true that there is nothing that can teach us more about life than death. And when we allow ourselves to receive the lessons that death can teach us, we’ll be more resilient when facing whatever challenges life brings us.”

Here’s a link to the article:

optionb.org/stories/grief-isnt-about-closure-nor-is-it-something-to-overcome-or-get-past-its-something-to-lean-into-to-embrace-r1pvbfsag

Grief isn’t about ‘closure.’ Nor is it something to overcome or get past. It’s something to lean into, to embrace.
By Arianna Huffington
April 2017
Option B

Robin

 

A story about how grieving begins “with the knowledge of our mortality”

This is a very sweet story by Caroline Wellbery, MD, a friend of mine for over 30 years. I don’t think the article is well-titled. It’s more about stages of grief and how grieving is different with different people.

Here’s a link:

www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/we-unplugged-my-father-from-everything-as-he-wished-but-i-wasnt-ready-to-let-go/2017/06/02/69ce7b4e-1bcc-11e7-855e-4824bbb5d748_story.html

Health & Science
We unplugged my father from everything, as he wished, but I wasn’t ready to let go
By Caroline Wellbery
June 4, 2017
Washington Post

Robin