“Things Keep Getting Scarier. He Can Help You Cope.” (NYT, 4/13/20)

This recent New York Times article may be of interest to those of us trying to cope in these uncertain times.  Here’s the introduction:

In this turbulent moment, a lot of us — myself included — are feeling fear, anxiety and grief. And a lot of us, I suspect, could use some help managing those difficult emotions and thoughts. I had been wanting to talk to someone who could answer that question with practicality and steadying wisdom, so I got in touch with Jack Kornfield, whose work has offered that to me and a great many others over the years. A clinical psychologist and author whose books have sold over a million copies, Kornfield is one of America’s true mindfulness pioneers, a man who helped popularize the once-exotic practices he learned more than 50 years ago when he began training as a Buddhist monk. “Epidemics are a part of the cycle of life on this planet,” Kornfield said. “The choice is how we respond. With greed and hatred and fear and ignorance? Or with generosity, clarity, steadiness and love?”

Read the full article here:

Things Keep Getting Scarier.  He Can Help You Cope
By David Marchese
New York Times
April 13, 2020

www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/04/13/magazine/jack-kornfield-mindfulness.html

 

Caregiving in the Time of Social Distancing – Chat notes

Sheltering-in-place is particularly challenging for caregivers who relied on day programs and in-home caregivers to provide routine as well as caregiving assistance and respite.  Many day programs are now closed, and some families are choosing not to have in-home care services until the shelter-in-place order is lifted.  In addition, caregivers with family members living in care facilities are not permitted to visit and, in some cases, cannot even send or deliver food or other items.  So, how to keep our loved one busy or connect with them until things get back to normal?

Home Instead Senior Living is hosting a chat series on “Caregiving During Covid-19” on Facebook Live.  The fourth in the series was on April 9, 2020.  Gerontologist Lakelyn Hogan spoke with David Troxel, an expert in dementia care and author of “The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care.”  Ms. Hogan and Mr. Troxel discussed this challenging caregiving situation.  They believe that caregivers may find respite in taking a new approach to activities with your loved one.

Though the focus was dementia caregiving, this approach is applicable to all caregiving situations — not necessarily those who are caring for someone with dementia.

Ms. Hogan and Mr. Troxel argue that to provide person-centered care during shelter-in-place means taking the time to gather your thoughts and information about the person you are caring for before you suggest activities to do with them.  Personalize those activities so they have to meaning or interest to your family member, based on the life your family member has led.  Consider:

  •     What sort of personality do they have (shy or outgoing)?
  •     What type of career did they have (and did they love it)?
  •     What hobbies did, or do they enjoy (make a list!)?
  •     Write down 10 things about the person you care for.

Brain Support Network staff member Denise Dagan took notes during the conversation, and shares those notes below.   The question-and-answer portion of the event was focused on dementia caregiving scenarios.

================================================

Dementia Care in the Time of Social Distancing, A Live Chat with David Troxel
Facebook Live, hosted by Home Instead Senior Living
April 9, 2020
Notes by Denise Dagan, Brain Support Network

Moderator:  Lakelyn Hogan, gerontologist
Guest:  David Troxel, expert in dementia care and author of “The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care”

Lakelyn – Does having dementia increase the risk of contracting covid-19?

David – No, but dementia doesn’t travel alone.  Most people with dementia are elderly and have co-existing conditions, which can make them more fragile and make covid-19 a more severe illness, if contracted.
————-

Lakelyn – It is difficult to keep someone with dementia safe from covid-19 because they aren’t able to remember about social distancing, washing their hands, etc.

David – People with dementia need cueing.  Caregivers should not just remind someone with dementia to wash hands, etc. but wash hands with them or provide hand sanitizer, etc.  If you are living with someone who has dementia you don’t need to stay 6′ from them.  It is more challenging being a caregiver during the shelter in place order because day programs are closed and you may not be having in-home care come into your home at this time.
————-

Lakelyn – Person-centered care is so important for those with dementia, especially now.  Can we talk a little about what person-centered care means?

David – There is no medicine that improves dementia symptoms much.  It has been more than a decade since a new medication has been approved for Alzheimer’s.  Person-centered care is listening, communicating, doing activities together. reminiscing, etc.

“People don’t remember what you said or did, but they always remember how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

If you are challenged by being your loved one’s sole caregiver, now is the time to look online and learn tips and tricks for how to provide person-centered care.

Person-centered care is really tailoring every moment toward creating meaningful engagement with someone who has dementia.

There should also be ritual in your day.  One woman I spoke with recently has added a daily happy hour for herself and her husband.

I want to talk a little about keeping the news on all day.  This is not the time for that.  It increases everyone’s anxiety.  Even if the person with dementia doesn’t understand what’s going on with the quarantine,  they do pick up on your anxiety.  Put positive things on TV.  Consider using headphones when you listen to or watch the news.
————-

Lakelyn – What have you heard people doing to cope with this quarantine period?

David – To incorporate person-centered care, start with the person’s life story.  That will inspire you as to which activities to do with your loved one.  Maybe write a ‘top 10′ card with things about your loved one, sort of a mini-memoir, to help you think of things to do with them.

Go through old boxes (cleaning out) with your loved one, is a great way to reminisce and be productive.

Take pictures of things you won’t keep and put them in an album by category (former residences, vacation souveniers, etc.)

Write letters of appreciation together for community services and businesses.

Share or play music together for an hour every day.

If your family member is in a facility, make sure they have access to a personal music source in their room.

Develop a new daily ritual like afternoon tea or happy hour.

Maybe engage some old memories or former places your loved one used to live into your rituals or reminiscences.

Look up places online where they used to live

Stream museums they have been to – or wish they had visited

Stream opera or other performances that connect with their history.

Get out in nature for some vitamin D, exercise – even if you can’t walk, sit on the patio and soak in some sun.

If your family member is in a facility, ask caregivers to be sure to get your family member outside.

Maybe do Facetime with them, even while they are out for a stroll.
————-

Lakelyn – Caregivers have some fear now about their health and their loved one’s health.  A recent survey showed:

– nearly 3/4 of dementia caregivers were unsure what would happen if they were unable to care, and

– 2/3 didn’t know what to do if their loved one became ill.

David – Statistically, caregivers are more likely to become ill and/or die before the person they are caring for.  Everyone should have a Plan B.  Fortunately, dementia is a slow moving illness, so caregivers do have time to investigate who would step in if you become ill.  Now is the time to put some thought into this, especially if your family member is in a facility and you are unable to visit.  You probably have the time to make a Plan B, now.  Socialization is the best treatment for dementia, depression, etc. and asking others is a good place to start your investigation into what others are doing for a Plan B.  So get out there and talk with people about stepping into your shoes, if you should become ill.

If you are not already, make use of day programs or place your loved one in a facility to relieve your caregiver burden is sometimes the best thing you can do for your loved one.  Caring for your own health means you can look after your loved one longer.

Remember, the Alzheimer’s Association has a Helpline available 24/7.  You can call them to relieve stress as a caregiver and ask them to give you a start on your Plan B.
————-

Lakelyn – How about some more suggestions for engaging with your loved one at home?

David – If you do not live with your loved one who has dementia you can visit 6′ apart.  You will have to explain and remind about the quarantine.  Most care facilities will not permit visiting at this time.  Pretty much everything we do together can be adapted by using technology, particularly Zoom, WhatsApp, Skype, Facetime, Webex, etc.

Read aloud, share family news, have a chat

Ask your loved one’s opinion about whether to keep or toss items in a wardrobe, closet or attic

Share music and/or sing together

Do yoga, tai chi, or other exercise/meditation

Play games (blackjack, Yahtzee, Monopoly, Clue, etc.)
————-

Lakelyn – Technology is huge right now.  I came across an article about using apps with people who have dementia.  It categorized apps for different uses.  I love Grandpad.

[Lakelyn didn’t provide a link to the article she mentioned, but I found an article online which categorizes “25 Useful Apps for Dementia Patients and Carers,” at: uksmobility.co.uk/blog/2016/07/25-useful-apps-for-dementia-patients-and-carers/]

Low-tech socialization, like drive-by visits with cheers and music to greet family members whom you cannot get physically close to.
————-

David – Self care looks different for everyone, but all caregivers need to find out what respite they can do for themselves now.  These are the proven methods for reducing stress:

Get outside

Read

Meditate – Doesn’t have to be formal, just sit in the garden for 5 minutes and breathe

Connect with old friends or family (cards/letters, phone, video chat, email, text, in person 6’ apart)

If you’ve had difficult relationships with family members, or a row with a friend, consider forgiveness

Sometimes, when someone develops dementia, they have forgotten the bad history and you can reconnect without that baggage in the way – at least from their perspective

Laughter (any source: sitcoms, internet memes)

If you have been disconnected from caregiving for someone in your family, consider getting more involved when the shelter-in-place is lifted.  Connect with that person’s primary care partner now to work out the place where what they would find helpful overlaps with what you are able/willing to do to help.

Appreciate those who are still doing hands-on caregiving, whether it be family, in-home carers or facility staff.
————-

Q&A

Q:  Mom temporarily living with daughter and has sundowning, is swearing and upset.

A:  Google ‘sundowning’ for some tips. When you have dementia, your day is exhausting. Plan for a late afternoon snack, ice cream, tea party, easy activity/craft do distract your Mom.  Turn on lights to prevent shadows.  Declutter your home.  Encourage a short afternoon nap.

Q:  As a caregiver, I want to wear masks and gloves but feel it may cause fear in someone with dementia.

A:  Stand 6′ away and reveal your face while you introduce yourself, put it back on before you move closer. Explain that the doctor wants you to wear PPE because of the quarantine.

Q:  How do I help my loved one to understand what’s going on with the quarantine and why we can’t get physically close?

A:  Everyone with dementia is different. Some will understand, others won’t. Some will remember for awhile, others won’t.  Wear PPE and explain why you aren’t hugging, etc.

If you live with a senior or other person who is at risk for serious illness if infected with covid-19, you can designate a ‘sterile’ zone in your home where visitors must where mask and gloves or wash up before entering.  This can work especially well if you have two bathrooms in your home and a bedroom and/or sitting area for the at-risk person.

Q:  What to do when you have a loved one in a facility and you can’t visit. Some facilities are so strict, you can’t even send in things.

A:  Ask the facility to make Facetime, WhatsApp, Zoom, etc. opportunities available.  This doesn’t always work well.  Consider an old fashioned phone call.  Drop off favorite foods or care packages, if it is permitted.  People with dementia are more resilient than we give them credit for, especially if they have short term memory loss and don’t realize it has been weeks since they’ve seen you.

Q:  How to find online sessions to engage Mom in conversation or music?

A:  YouTube has a bunch to watch. Grandpad is a good tool to use with seniors. There are a bunch of free concerts, plays, museum tours, zoo cams, etc.  Invite your Mom to dress up and attend an ‘evening’ concert, then connect with Facetime and cue up something online.  Take a ‘vacation’ by Googling scenes from Hawaii, or elsewhere.  Create a restaurant in your home (print a menu, dress up, add light music, flower or candle on the table, etc.)

Q:  Dad has no hobbies and can’t get around well. Family struggles to engage with him.

A:  Apathy can be a symptom of dementia. If your father had always been more engaged in life, ask his doctor about depression. Tell him you need exercise so please toss ball with me.  Easter Sunday service online, please join me.  Cat or dog visit or brushing.  Spilled poker chips, please put them back in the tray by color.  “30 Things To Do in 30 Seconds or Less” is a chapter from David’s book.  The list is available online at: bestfriendsapproach.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/30-Activities.pdf.   Hand massage, opinion about clothes, wrapping gifts, going through catalogs to shop for a birthday.

 

“A Presentation on Grief” – CaregiverTeleconnection Notes

What about when you are a caregiver of someone with dementia, and they are no longer the person they were?

In this situation you are grieving the loss of the person that they were. Bill considers it somewhere in between anticipatory grief and grieving a real loss. The person that they once were is now gone, they are now a new person, and that changes the way you relate and communicate with them. The basics still apply – finding someone to talk to, trying to come to terms with the new reality. It is complicated. While you are grieving the loss of the person, they are still there with you, in a different way.

An audio recording can be accessed on SoundCloud:

https://soundcloud.com/caregiverteleconnection/a-presentation-on-grief-march-26-2020

Adrian Quintero, with Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach, listened to the audio conference and shared his notes.  See below.

CaregiverTeleconnection is a series of audio conferences offered by the WellMed Charitable Foundation.  You can find information about this service on their website — www.wellmedcharitablefoundation.org/caregiver-support/caregiver-teleconnection/

Robin

———————

A presentation on grief
March 26, 2020
Audio conference by CaregiverTeleconnection (Wellmed Charitable Foundation)
Notes by Adrian Quintero, Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach

Cynthia Hazel helps people with personal development, such as reducing stress, loving themselves more, and gaining skills to help round out their personalities.

Bill Moyer has a long background in grief recovery. He used to work in nursing and medical management and now is a certified hypnotherapist. He was his wife’s primary caregiver for the two years she was battling breast cancer. In 2014, he became a certified Grief Recovery Specialist with the Grief Recovery Institute.  Currently he works as a hypnotherapist, a Grief Recovery Specialist and life coach. He also volunteers with veterans with PTSD and chronic pain. He wishes to dispel some of the misconceptions surrounding coping with grief.

What is grief?

Grieving is how we deal with loss. In this webinar, the loss will focus primarily on decline in health or eventual death of loved one. There are many other types of losses we experience in life.

If your loved one is diagnosed with a degenerative condition, they will be experiencing their own feelings of loss. This might be a loss of independence, freedom, identity, financial security, among others. They may also have feelings of helplessness, anger, fear, or resentment. Your loved one may not be able to drive, or perform ADLs (activities of daily living) without assistance, or fearful of losing their own home. They might be aware of and concerned about the burden they are placing on loved ones. Likely there is awareness of their own vulnerability, including loss of physical or mental function. They could be showing signs of depression or anxiety. Your loved one could lash out, and unfortunately the easiest target is the caregiver.

The caregiver is also grieving. This may include loss of time, independence, earning potential, or relationship changes in the family.

Cynthia shares her own experience:  She is oldest of three children. Her brother was a lifelong smoker since his teenage years. He stopped in his sixties, but had chronic health issues as a result of smoking. He was working as a truck driver and was in a trucking accident while away on the road. He was in an induced coma when she and the family arrived to see him. Cynthia wanted to be able to do something, but she couldn’t and felt helpless. When he came out of the coma the family helped him move to be closer to family. For two or three months everything in her life was slowed down while she helped with his care. Unfortunately, he ended up passing away.  Cynthia took on the process of trying to settle her brother’s estate. Her feelings were “all over the place.” Sometimes these feelings were set aside to try to take care of all the estate work. She was left with a lot of grieving. She felt flat and numb a lot of the time. It took her several years to work it out. Cynthia’s mother has some short-term memory issues. It was hard because her mom didn’t always remember that the brother had passed away.  Cynthia accepted where she was, what she was going through, didn’t push herself to try to make herself recover on any specific timetable.

Misconceptions about grief

Bill says there are misconceptions surrounding grief, and people may offer unhelpful advice. People may offer such things as:

  • “I know how you feel.”  This is both not productive and not true.  Each relationship is unique.  Even if you’ve experienced something similar, it’s not the same.
  • “Oh he’s in a better place,” or “at least she isn’t suffering.” These may be true statements, but it doesn’t address the feelings in the moment, and the immediacy of the loss.
  • Provide advice about staying busy.  It’s simply a distraction, it doesn’t address the grief.
  • Time limits on grieving.  Also not helpful.  As time passes, it doesn’t necessarily mean the grieving passes. The only caveat is, regardless of how long the grieving is going on, if at any time the process causes you to be less able to go through normal routines of taking care of yourself. If these become interrupted, seek out professional help.
  • Advice about replacing the loss – “at least you have family/friends, etc.”  This ignores that you are coping with immediate loss, and that life has been upended.
  • Any other advice on how you should or shouldn’t feel, or should or shouldn’t act.  Those are completely unhelpful, and out of place.

What is helpful to say to someone who is grieving?

Dealing with grief takes action.  It’s a process.  It involves facing the loss, and coming to terms with the current reality.  You are now facing a new reality from here forward.  There is no correct or incorrect way to grieve.  You are going to feel what you feel.  The only caveat is if you’re contemplating harming yourself or others, in which case professional help should be sought.

If you want to help someone who is grieving, simply be there. Listen to what the griever has to say. Be a “heart with ears.” As you’re listening, there’s no evaluation, judgment, criticizing or advising.

Offer to help, but only if you are sincere with your offer.

Help where you can (watching kids, pet care, transportation, cooking, be there with going through estate or dealing with a funeral home, etc.)  Griever may be reluctant to ask for help, or may not be aware of what need help they need.

Things to remember when dealing with grief

  • This is a highly emotional time. It’s good to avoid making any major decisions, especially financial or legal decisions one may regret later.
  • Deal with the emotions. There is no wrong way to grieve (as long as no contemplation of harm to self or others)
  • Get help, seek out someone you can trust and talk to.
  • Allow yourself time- whatever time it takes. Grieve in the way you need to grieve.
  • Try to understand most folks around intend to be of help but don’t know how to, as they don’t know what you are going through.
  • Work towards coming to terms with your new reality.

It’s extremely rare that relationships are all good or all bad. There are usually ups and downs. It’s important to take a close look at the relationship. Remember the good times and take stock of times that were more difficult. The process includes making apologies when appropriate, offering forgiveness. (for anything perceived to contribute to the difficulties). Come to terms with any other difficult emotional components (maybe the person had a difficult childhood, etc.) This helps to release some of the inner emotions, including maybe some of the wishes of things we wish we hadn’t said or done.

Where Bill works, they don’t use the word “closure” with their grieving clients. Losses are life-changing events, and for that there is no closure. They prefer the term “completion.” Complete the relationship as it was, and come to terms with the new reality. The physical relationship has reached its completion, but the emotional and spiritual relationship continues on.

Writing a letter

The Grief Recovery Institute developed the Grief Recovery process. This includes expressing forgiveness, apologies, emotional understanding, and saying goodbye. This can be used for any relationship, including a living person not in our lives anymore.

This process is for the griever, not for the person lost. It is for you to come to terms with the change in reality, and to be able to move forward in a new way.

After writing the letter, they suggest finding someone who can listen to you (a “heart with ears”) read the letter out loud. This can help add to the completion concept. Any symbolic measure that helps you feel like you’re letting it go- could be burning the letter, crumpling it up, burying it, etc. Whatever helps you release and be ready to put energies into what’s to come.

Anticipatory grief (or pre-grieving)

Is grieving now over a potential or suspected loss in the future. It may be an ill family member with a terminal illness. It can also be the result of dwelling on an event that is imagined- one that may occur in the distant future, or may never occur at all.

It is experiencing similar feelings as in grieving process; emotions and behaviors as if the event has occurred, such as sadness, anxiety, fear, sleep disruption, changes in appetite, short temper, inability to focus, etc.

Grieving now over what’s not happened yet robs you the opportunity to enjoy the here and now, the current relationship as it is, or to potentially repair a damaged relationship. Anticipatory grief could interfere with being able to provide adequate care to a loved one. Try to find someone to talk to to help with this. Be kind to yourself, and those you care for. Take breaks, get help. Take time to breathe. Life is complicated, beautiful, rewarding and tragic – often all at the same time.

Questions & Answers

What about when you are a caregiver of someone with dementia, and they are no longer the person they were?

In this situation you are grieving the loss of the person that they were. Bill considers it somewhere in between anticipatory grief and grieving a real loss. The person that they once were is now gone, they are now a new person, and that changes the way you relate and communicate with them. The basics still apply – finding someone to talk to, trying to come to terms with the new reality. It is complicated. While you are grieving the loss of the person, they are still there with you, in a different way.

What about anger when dealing with someone with dementia?

Anger is going to come up, both for the person who is experiencing the changes as well as the caregiver. Again, going back to the basics. Do something to deal with the feelings. It’s perfectly normal to have the feelings, not out of the ordinary by any means.

What about coping with loneliness after a loss?

Try to create some semblance of a normal life. There will be good days and bad days. Even years later it is normal to have days of sadness, missing your loved one. It’s important to find activities you can engage in, and people you can relate to. Find ways you can re-insert yourself into what is now normal life.

 

“Medical Decision Making in the Face of Serious Illness” (and COVID) – Webinar Notes

The Coalition for Compassionate Care in California (CCCC) is hosting a series of webinars on advance care planning. While these webinars are generally for healthcare professionals, lay audiences can still benefit, particularly if you are looking for some ideas on how to raise the topic of advance care planning with a loved one. (The webinars seem to be scheduled for Wednesdays at noon PT. To register, see coalitionccc.org/covid-conversations-education)

The first webinar, on Wednesday, April 8th, was about advance care planning in the time of COVID. It was 70 minutes, including about 15 minutes for questions.

With COVID-19, there is a renewed sense of urgency for us all to start or continue having conversations with our loved ones about our wishes and their wishes. If we have a chronic medical condition or if we are in the vulnerable group, do we want to go to a hospital if that’s needed? Would we want to be placed on a ventilator? For a set period of time (10-14 days, for example)? What if there is a shortage of ventilators, would we forego one for ourselves?

Many of us put off the conversation about advance care planning. But, if we aren’t willing to have this conversation now — during the COVID pandemic — will we ever be able to have it? (I should point out that a single conversation will not suffice. Experts envision continuing conversations as our own medical circumstances change.) During the webinar, the point was made that we have lots of time now to reflect and discuss things with our loved one.

One of the Coalition’s best references for lay people is this conversation guide:

coalitionccc.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/CCCC_ACP_Conversation-Guide_June2014.pdf

You can also use the webinar as a guide in your conversations. The recording is here: (registration required)

register.gotowebinar.com/recording/1207588529342067969

Also, I’ve shared my notes below from the webinar. I’ve tried to add in time-stamps in case you want to forward the recording to something in particular.

Much of the webinar was a review of advance health care directives and the POLST form. Here’s what was new to me:

COVID-specific:

#1 – Given COVID, our preferences for ventilation and hospitalization should be discussed.

#2 – “What you should know before you need a ventilator”

nytimes.com/2020/04/04/opinion/coronavirus-ventilators.html

The author of this New York Times article presents several questions we should ask ourselves including:

* what do I value about my life? (This is the usual question.)

* if I will die if I am not put in a medical coma and placed on a ventilator, do I want that life support?

* if I do choose to be placed on a ventilator, how far do I want to go? Do I want to continue on the machine if my kidneys shut down? Do I want tubes feeding me so I can stay on the ventilator for weeks?

#3 – If you have serious lung, heart, or kidney disease, you should be given an opportunity to complete a POLST at this time, because of COVID.

#4 – You can put COVID-specific instructions in Section B of the POLST. (You can find a POLST at capolst.org)

General:

#5 – We should discuss our values, including what can/can’t be sacrificed or compromised. What is acceptable to us? How do you complete this sentence —

“I’d rather die in comfort than _____”
(example – being unable to recognize my spouse)

#6 – I thought that a POLST should be completed by everyone in a care facility. In fact, CCCC is opposed to this. (You can find a POLST at capolst.org. Talk to your physician about completing it, after having a conversation with your physician.)

A POLST should be completed if the person:
– has a serious illness
– is medically frail
– has a chronic progressive condition
– could be reasonably thought of as being within 1-2 years of death. (This is called the “surprise” question for physicians — would you be surprised if your patient died in the next year or two?)

Read all about advance care planning in the time of COVID below…

Robin

————————–

Acronyms used:
ACP – advance care planning
POLST – physician orders for life-saving treatment
HCP – healthcare professional
AHCD – advance health care directive
AD – advance directive
HC – healthcare (as in, HC agent)
SNF – skilled nursing facility
EOL – end of life (as in, EOL option act)

————————–

Medical Decision Making in the Face of Serious Illness
Webinar by Coalition of Compassionate Care of California
April 8, 2020

Notes by Robin Riddle, Brain Support Network

Speakers:
Karl Steinberg, MD, medical director, Hospice by the Sea
Judy Thomas, JD, CEO, CCCC (Coalition for Compassionate Care in California)

Objectives of the call:
* Explain the importance of conversations in advance care planning and POLST
* Describe purpose and content of an advance health care directive and POLST
* Explain the difference between a POLST form and a health care directive
* Discuss how the COVID-19 crisis is impacting advance care planning and POLST.


(1:40) JUDY THOMAS:

Californians can live well in the face of serious illness, including COVID-19

New CCCC campaign: “COVID Conversations”
Importance of having conversations about serious illness (and palliative care)

coalitionccc.org/covid-conversations-toolbox/

Advance care planning (ACP) is a series of conversations over time about:
* what is important to the individual (hopes, goals, and concerns about the future)
* the realities facing the individual (diagnoses, abilities, limitations, resources, treatment preferences)

Benefits of ACP from the person’s perspective
* increases likelihood that wishes will be respected at end of life
* achieves a sense of control
* strengthens relationships (between individual, family members, and healthcare providers)
* relieves burdens on loved ones (such as surrogates)
* eases sharing of medical information around confidentiality (HIPAA)
* provides opportunities to address life closure

Benefits of ACP from the healthcare perspective:
* person-centered care
* avoid unwanted or unnecessary care
* improved family and caregiver relations
* helps to reduce moral distress among healthcare providers. (Moral distress can be expressed as PTSD at a societal level.)

Everyone should have a chance to have their:
* wishes explored
* wishes expressed
* wishes honored

Conversations about serious illness should be happening normally — at kitchen table, in religious settings, etc.

Continuum of ACP process over time (which relies on conversations over time):
* at age 18, complete an advance directive;
* update periodically;
* if diagnosed with a serious, chronic, or progressive illness, complete a POLST form.



(12:12, but he starts addressing these topics at 13:08)
KARL STEINBERG

How is COVID-19 impacting conversations about ACP and POLST?
* created a sense of urgency
* people are actually talking about serious illness, end-of-life, and their wishes
* we have time to reflect and interact with our families (even over Skype or FaceTime)
* threat of death
* lots of media stories
* not business-as-usual
* can’t have face-to-face conversations

Lots of great resources out there, including CCCC, Conversation Project, Prepare for Your Care, CAPC (Center to Advance Palliative Care), and Five Wishes. These websites are getting lots of traffic. And legacy.com.

So much better to plan ahead. We know things are going to get worse.

Ramped up use of palliative care services.

What HCP (healthcare professionals) need to hear from patients:
* surrogate: who is to speak for the patient if incapacitated
* treatment wishes: given COVID-19, ventilation and hospitalization should be addressed; resuscitation (CPR)
* values, goals, preferences: what makes life worth living; what can/can’t be sacrificed or compromised; what needs to be completed before death; what is acceptable to the patient (“I’d rather die in comfort than _____” – unable to recognize my family, for example); special faith-based or cultural preferences

What patients need to hear from HCP:
* ask what they know and what they want to know
* diagnoses
* threats to wellbeing and function
* natural progression of underlying disease process — including COVID-19, based on their specific health conditions
* treatment options and likely outcomes: benefits; risks and burdens; short and long-term results/expected outcomes; alternative interventions/treatments; course of disease with no aggressive intervention; comfort-focused interventions (medications, palliative sedation)


(19:06) JUDY THOMAS

This is a good opportunity to be having these conversations. (The following information is more of a reminder of best-practices.)

What is an AHCD (advance health care directive)? Tool to make healthcare wishes known when a patient is unable to communicate. Allows a person to do either or both: 1) appoint a surrogate decision-maker (healthcare agent) and/or 2) give instructions for future healthcare decisions (treatment).

If you can only do one thing for yourself, name a surrogate!

Choosing a surrogate: willing and able; available; can make difficult decisions; knows values and preferences; will speak for you despite their interests/beliefs. May or may not be the “closest family member.” Can also name whom you don’t want to speak for you.

Who cannot be a surrogate (unless the person is related to the patient): patient’s supervising healthcare provider; any employee of the institution where the patient receives care; any operator or employee of facility where patient lives.

Verbally appointed surrogate: duration of appointment is for the period of health facility stay or 60 days, which ever is shorter. A verbally appointed surrogate has priority over a healthcare agent named in a document for the specified duration.

ACP documents in CA: (three examples)
* CMA’s “My Health Care Wishes”
* “California Advance Health Care Directive” – very easy-to-understand; from Prepare For Your Care
* something prepared by an attorney (“legalistic-looking”)

For an advance directive to be legal in CA, the document is required to have: individual’s signature; date of execution; witnessed or notarized

Witnesses:
* Who cannot be a witness: patient’s HCP or employees of HCP; operator or employee of care facility; the agent named in the advance directive
* ONE of the witnesses cannot be related to patient (by blood, marriage, or adoption) or entitled to a portion of the person’s estate
* If person resides in a SNF (in CA), LTC ombudsman must witness
* Only witnessing a signature (doesn’t need to see the full document)

How can witnessing happen with social distancing?
* CCCC is pushing that a document be honored even if not witnessed. CCCC is working with LTC ombuds.
* Some notaries are setting up remote signature.

POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment):
* portable medical order
* provides instructions for specific medical treatment
* legally binding across healthcare sites in CA
* valid only if appropriately signed
* not for everyone. Including not for everyone nursing home or assisted living resident. Designed for those in late-stage illness.

Advance directive vs. POLST
AD: general instructions for future care; needs to be retrieved; many different forms; signed by patient and witnessed (or notary)
POLST: specific orders for current care; stays with patient; single form; signed by patient (or HC agent) and physician


(28:47) KARL STEINBERG

Indications for POLST form: serious illness; medically frail; chronic progressive condition; “surprise” question (would you be surprised if your patient died in the next year or two)

It’s wrong for care facilities to hand out the POLST forms.

If you want current standard of care, which is aggressive care, you don’t need a POLST.

(30:18) Indications for POLST during COVID crisis: Have the conversation! Probably expand the population who could be offered POLST because most people want to know about their prognosis in light of COVID. He doesn’t think we need a COVID-specific form. (Anything COVID-specific can be written in on Section B. Example – Some people may volunteer to forego ventilation if there’s a shortage.) Ventilator issues (10-14 days of ventilation are often needed).

These conversations should be happening for anyone with a serious, chronic condition, even if they aren’t in the last year or two of life.

If you have serious lung, heart, or kidney disease, you should be given an opportunity to complete a POLST at this time, because of COVID.

There has been discussion of blanket orders of “no CPR for all COVID patients.” (He hasn’t heard about this in CA hospitals.)

(34:18) POLST form/Section A on CPR: DNR (or DNAR) doesn’t mean “just let me die”! Section A applies if patient has no pulse and is not breathing — which means that person is dead. (This is stated on form.)

(35:44) POLST form/Section B on interventions: If you have a pulse and are still breathing, Section B is of interest. You can choose full treatment, selective treatment (“no heroics;” most people select this), or comfort-focused treatment (“hospice philosophy”; not so interested in prolonging life but interested in being comfortable).

You can be DNR (Section A) and still get full treatment (including being on a ventilator). Full treatment is everything short of chest compressions and shock. If you check “Give CPR” in section A, you must check “full treatment” in section B.

People should be aware of poor prognostics with COVID-19, ventilators, and chronic illness.

(38:00) Section B – serious questions to ask ourselves if we want to be put on a ventilator during this COVID crisis:
https://nyti.ms/3bS9h6I (Dr. Kathryn Dreger, NYT)
* what do I value about my life? (This is the usual question.)
* if I will die if I am not put in a medical coma and placed on a ventilator, do I want that life support?
* if I do choose to be placed on a ventilator, how far do I want to go? Do I want to continue on the machine if my kidneys shut down? Do I want tubes feeding me so I can stay on the ventilator for weeks?

Section B: Has a “request transfer to hospital – only if comfort needs can’t be met in current location” box. Mainly only applies to nursing homes.

(40:16) Section B: In “Additional Orders,” could say “no ventilator passed 14 days,” “no antibiotics,” “no transfusions.” (This is not always given the weight other things on the POLST are given as these aren’t physician’s orders.) Could write in COVID-specific info here.

(40:50) Section D about advance directives. Patient can orally designate a healthcare surrogate. And “specified orally” can be written on form.

Section C about tube feeding: Has been removed from some POLST forms as it’s not an emergency. But it is important for advance care planning. If you leave anything blank, the default is aggressive care.


(42:50) JUDY THOMAS

POLST Best Practices:
* should be voluntary (Shouldn’t be required for facility placement.)
* not indicated for all patients
* should be re-visited when there is unexpected or significant change of condition
* can be voided by patient at any time
* surrogate decision-makers can void or chance a POLST when circumstances change. (HCP should be involved in discussions.)

POLST is not just a check box form. It memorializes a CONVERSATION!


(44:00) KARL STEINBERG

Pre-hospital DNR form (CMA form) is still recognized. Only relates to CPR. Requires both patient and physician signatures.

Key elements in conversations (from the HCP perspective):
* openness to talk, listen, and trust
* preferences for info and family disclosure
* understanding of their illness
* life goals, including upcoming milestones
* fears and anxieties
* unacceptable states of health, function, or tradeoffs
* not locked in forever to decisions you make today

COVID Conversations that HCP can be having with their patients: (VitalTalk, Ariadne Labs, CAPC, others)
* “Is it OK if we talk about what’s important to you and how the new coronavirus might affect you, so we can be sure we can give you the kind of care you’d want if you got the virus? This conversation can help your family and help us, your healthcare team, if that ever happened. This is a gift to us.”

If OK, then ask:
* “What do you (patient) know about the coronavirus?”
* “What can you tell me about your other medical conditions and how they affect you?”
* “Have you thought about what might happen if you were to get this virus? Do you have any specific fears about it?” (Some people are afraid that there might not be enough ventilators. Some people are afraid that they might be sent to the hospital.)

Then say:
* “It can be difficult to predict what would happen if you got the virus, already being at risk from your [medical conditions]. Many patients get mild cases, and I hope you would be one of them, but I’m worried that you could get very sick quickly, and I think it’s important for us to prepare for that possibility.”

(48:50) Great decisions aids on CCCC website: CPR, artificial hydration, tube feeding, ventilator. Non-value laden. CPR in frail, elder population is not effective but the aid doesn’t say this in that exact language. These aids DO NOT convince people not to have treatment that they are entitled to.

(50:34) Transfer/treatment decisions:
* risks of going to hospital are greater than they usually are because of the virus
* even without COVID, preferable to treat patients in “lowest” safe care location (home, SNF, assisted living)
* issues around access to family visits may influence choices of location to receive care


(51:58) JUDY THOMAS

Managing documents: (photocopies, faxes, and scans are just as valid as original)
* give copy to healthcare agent
* make copies for other loved ones
* discuss with provider/doctor/hospital and place in medical record
* keep a copy
* bring for hospital admission

Person can always revoke directive or appoint a new agent. Best practice is to execute a new document.

If you already have a POLST, review it in light of COVID.


(53:00) Questions and Answers:

Q: How are prescriptions for self-administered medications (with EOL option act) affected?

A by Karl: Probably can’t be used for those with a positive COVID test (since the person won’t likely be alive after 2-week delay). Pharmacies still filling RXs. Doctor visits can be done via telemedicine.


Q: Chances of getting off of vents with COVID?

A by Karl: Probably 30-50% of elders are getting off of vents. Better in the younger population.


Q: If person has a POLST and they are moving to a SNF, is the POLST still good without ombuds signature?

A by Karl: Yes, unless the person wants to change his/her surrogate.


Q: Notary during COVID?

A by Judy: Notaries meeting in parking lots with person in car. Notary has hand-sanitizer and gloves. CCCC is working with state on remote notaries. Docu-sign works for a remote signature. CCCC asking for HCP to honor documents even if not properly witnessed.

A by Karl: Do a video. Not legally-binding but compelling. There are mobile notaries ($40).


(57:27) Q: How can HCP respond to questions about long-term effects of COVID on pulmonary or neurologic systems?

A by Karl: Data being collected now. We know some have chronic disabilities after ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome). If elder is already de-conditioned, coming off a vent is very hard and people come off even more de-conditioned.


Q: Can POLST be done via telehealth?

A by Judy: Doctor can sign and note that these are verbal orders that were discussed with patient or surrogate.

A by Karl: “Verbal consent given. Pending signature post-COVID.” Have two people sign as witnesses to MD signature.


Q:  (unknown – question not stated)

A by Judy: CCCC can share probate code for naming a surrogate verbally (if person is going into a care facility).


Q: What determines capacity to make own medical decisions?

A by Karl: If you can understand choices, appreciate differences (and consequences), express your choice, and express your reasoning, then this is what’s required. Ideally, the person says the same thing consistently over time.


Q: What if “do not transfer” box isn’t checked?

A by Karl: If “do not transfer” box is not checked, you go to hospital for any treatment you normally go to the hospital for. If you check box, you want to be treated in place unless your comfort needs can’t be met. Example – person is unconscious with low blood pressure (60/40), this person isn’t sent to hospital as the person is perfectly comfortable.


Q: Always put in coma (sedated) if put on vent?

A by Karl: Normally, yes. Very uncomfortable to be put on a vent. Part of weaning includes lightened sedation.


Q: Do you recommend a pre-hospital DNR?

A by Karl: Use the POLST.


Q: Photographs (on phone) of POLST?

A by Karl: Yes, valid.


Q: Photographs of ACD?

A by Judy: Yes, valid. Copies are valid.


Q: Don’t notaries require a thumbprint?

A by Karl: This is being waived. This is not a legal requirement but a “practice.” Get neighbors to sign in your back yard, if you can’t get a notary.

“Understanding Anticipatory Grief” – Janet Edmunson webinar notes

Recently, Janet Edmunson (janetedmunson.com) hosted a webinar on “Understanding Anticipatory Grief.” Anticipatory grief is the grief we experience before a loved one dies, and is common when dealing with a loved one with a degenerative condition.  This webinar is appropriate for all caregivers.

I’ve known Janet for almost 20 years.  She cared for her husband Charles, diagnosed during life with progressive supranuclear palsy and upon death with corticobasal degeneration.  If you are interested in brain donation for yourself or a loved one — so that you may confirm the diagnosis and enable research — check out our website.

Janet’s webinar can be viewed here:  (registration required)

https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/recording/8676513841737538305

Adrian Quintero, with Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach, listened to the webinar and shared his notes.

Robin

——————————–

“Understanding Anticipatory Grief”
Webinar by Janet Edmunson
March 17, 2020

Notes by Adrian Quintero, Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach

Janet Edmunson took care of her husband Charles during the five years he faced a movement disorder with cognitive issues, which was later confirmed to be corticobasal degeneration (CBD), an atypical Parkinsonian disorder.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” C. S. Lewis (who lost his wife)

Janet was already experiencing grief, and Charles hadn’t even died. It was a growing fear and sadness of what life without Charles would be like, as well as what he was thinking and feeling throughout  his illness. The last year of his life he couldn’t talk and express any thoughts or fears to her. She encourages people to have these conversations with loved ones if at all possible.

“Grief is the conflicting group of human emotions caused by an end to or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” A definition of grief from James and Friedman, The Grief Recovery Handbook.

These changes come from the death, but they come long before the death.

The grief we experience before a loved one dies is called anticipatory, or incremental, grief. It is composed of many losses along the way, moving towards the ultimate grief, death.

In addition, there is likely fear, dread, and worry about what the death will be like.

— What will it be like for the loved one during the dying process?

— What will your life be like after the person died?

— Will I be up for the challenge of how life is different?

In the caregiving experience, you may be making meaning, giving the loved one the best life they can have, etc.

Janet had a fear she would “fall apart” after her husband’s death.

What are the losses?

— The loved one may experience loss of abilities, such as reading, writing, walking, and talking

— Loss of quality of life

— Past loss – moments that won’t happen again (such as trips together)

— Present loss – reduced social life, los of shared activities, etc.

— Future loss – events going forward that won’t be able to be shared. (For example, having a partner into one’s old age)

Concurrent stressors can compound anticipatory grief

— All the things that are needed to provide care or coordinate care for loved one

— Working

— Taking care of the house

Anticipatory grief is different from grief after death

Even if you are experiencing anticipatory grief from a loved one having a degenerative disease, doesn’t mean you will have less grief after the loved one dies. The experience can be as difficult as losing someone suddenly. Death is a new dimension of grief.

Positive and negative can sit together

Just because we are feeling negative emotions such as sadness and fear, doesn’t mean we can’t also experience positive emotions, such as:

  • Joy
  • Gratitude
  • Serenity
  • Interest
  • Hope
  • Pride
  • Amusement
  • Awe
  • Love

Positivity puts the breaks on too much negativity. For grieving spouses, they need and want positive and emotions in their lives.

“Experiencing humor, laughter and happiness was strongly associated with favorable bereavement adjustments.”

This also applies to those of us experiencing anticipatory grief. Positivity matters, especially during trying times. It helps us to have resilient outcomes, and recover from grief faster. It’s important not to feel guilty when you find yourself feeling such things as joyful, full of love, or grateful.

There is something called the Twelve Freedoms of Healing in Grief. These are a few of them.

You have the freedom to:

  • Talk about your grief
  • Allow for numbness
  • Experience grief attacks or memory embraces
  • Allow a search for meaning
  • Treasure your memories

Affirmations for Emotions

It’s okay to mourn what might have been.  With a progressive and degenerative illness, Potential or promise for someone’s life may never been realized. (The person may pass in middle of career).

From The Grief Recovery Handbook:  The authors say every relationship has things that are incomplete. It might help to mourn what could have been by asking:

What do you wish was..?

  • Different?
  • Better?
  • More?

The authors continue to say, what we can do is apologize, forgive (ourselves and our loved one), and verbalize. We can do this in a letter that is never sent. Writing it down can be helpful.

For example:

  • Dad, I apologize for…
  • Dad, I forgive you for…
  • Dad, I want you to know…

I’ve already lost him/her.  Maybe the person is no longer able to talk. Perhaps there is a moment where you realize you cannot go to the loved one for the advice you normally would seek from them.

A book that Janet found helpful was Getting To The Other Side Of Grief. It asks probing questions to help understand the feelings of your loss. Questions such as:

  • What do I value most about our relationship?
  • What special memories do I have of my loved one?
  • What will I take with me to cherish?

Defining what you’ve lost can help you to grieve.

I reflect on our love.  Janet has a framed poem he wrote her. She encourages people to pull out old letters or cards, or look at old photos and videos to reflect on when things were good.

I welcome my tears.  You never know when the tears will come. People talk about them coming in waves. There may be a song that comes on that touches you and floods you with feelings. Tears are a way to honor your loved one; they don’t have to be bad. You wouldn’t be crying if you didn’t love the person. If, however, you are crying all the time, Janet encourages you to go to a support group, talk to a clergy member or a counselor.

I let the love flow, even when all else is lost. She encourages reading the book Tuesdays With Morrie, about the relationship between a sociologist and a man with ALS.  Ted Koppel did an interview with Morrie, who was losing his ability to speak, and Morrie’s best friend was losing his ability to hear. Ted asked Morrie, what will it be like to be together, and Morrie replied, “Lots of love will be passing between us.” When all else is lost, find the simple presence together, letting the love flow between you and your loved one. It may be a touch. 

Affirmations for Meaning

I create meaningful traditions.  Maybe you and your loved one can’t go out to a restaurant anymore, but you can have a special meal at home. Perhaps there is a special drive you can take together through nature.

What traditions will you continue?

What traditions will you start?  Date night? Family dinner? Grandkid day? Game day? Daily walk (or wheelchair ride) in the neighborhood?

I find acceptance.  Janet recommends the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom
To know the difference

“The way to accept it is to make meaning out of it” — Peg B, an instructor from a mind/body course for people with medical conditions.

Questions to consider:

— What is this teaching us?

— What is this experience giving us?

— How will it help each of us grow?

I have things to look forward to. This might be a difficult affirmation if you are far along in the journey with your loved one’s disease. You’ve lost so much already, what is there to look forward to? More losses? You don’t have to look too far forward; it can be in just the next two weeks.

Right now with the Covid-19 virus, it can be hard to look too far forward, as we don’t know what is going to happen in the next couple weeks. Some things you may be looking forward to, like a visit from the grandkids, are not going to happen in the next two weeks. We can all look forward to the little things- a loved one’s smile, enjoying dessert together, etc.

Things to remember when it comes to anticipatory grief

  • Accept that it is normal
  • Acknowledge your losses
  • Connect with others (even by phone or Facetime)
  • Reflect on the remaining time
  • Take advantage of your support system (so you have the emotional energy to get through this)
  • Say yes to counseling

Recommended Books

Getting To The Other Side Of Grief by Zonnebelt-Smeenge and De Vries

The Healing Journey Through Grief by Rich

The Grief Recovery Handbook by James and Friedman

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Questions

How do I handle grief if my marriage was not a good marriage? (From a woman who is the caregiver for her husband, but feels he didn’t really love her)

You are not alone, talk to others who are in a similar situation. Reading the Grief Recovery Handbook could be helpful, and asking the questions from before of “what do I wish was different?” etc. Acknowledge the courage and strength you have for caring for him given this situation.

Any advice on hospice?

It’s never too early to ask about hospice. You can go two routes- you can talk to one of your doctors and you can ask for a referral to hospice. The other option is you can also call hospice directly, and they will come in and do an evaluation and decide if it’s time (they decide yes or no). They will tell you all about their rules, each hospice is a little different (all managed by MediCare). When they come in, they take over the care, they are the primary now, they can talk to your doctors. They all usually have social workers, and spiritual counselors as well. They have nurses, aides and volunteers as well. You can interview more than one hospice; or change if one isn’t working. You are in the driver’s seat.

Many hospices have bereavement groups or information, and you don’t have to be on hospice to have access to those.

Janet is partial to bereavement groups that have a start and an end date, rather than ones that are ongoing.

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight” Kahil Gibran