Category Archives: Caregiving – Dementia

Caregiver Resources on Oral Care, Dry Mouth, etc.

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Near the end of a New York Times article about the new website toothwisdom.org — which aims to make it easier to find affordable dental care — there’s reference to four good resources for caregivers:

#1 – 17-minute video on providing daily oral care to someone with dementia.  Though this video is for CNAs and RNs working in nursing homes, all caregivers can find value here.  I suggest starting the video at 3:20; the topic is oral care evaluation.  Or start about 6:00, when the topic is brushing someone’s teeth.  Tooth brush handles are modified about 8:40 and again at 12:15.

teeth.bluestatedigital.com/pages/for-caregivers

#2 – blog post on causes and treatment of dry mouth (xerostomia):

toothwisdom.org/resources/entry/overcoming-dry-mouth

#3 – brochure on causes, symptoms and treatment of dry mouth from NYU Dentistry

s.bsd.net/teeth/default/page/-/NYU0336_EC_DryMouth_V6.pdf

#4 – complications for oral health in older age:

toothwisdom.org/resources/category/complications-in-older-age

Several of the people posting comments on the New York Times article mentioned this resource:

#5 – discount dental plans available from various businesses, such as:

dentalplans.com
Here’s the info on the New York Times article, though the best parts are the references provided above:

newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/08/a-guide-to-affordable-dental-care/

The New Old Age: Caring and Coping
The New York Times
A Guide to Affordable Dental Care
By Catherine Saint Louis
October 8, 2013, 11:57 am       

Robin

New Way to Pay for Long-Term Care? (sell life insurance policy)

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This recent article in the New York Times is titled “A New Way to Pay for Long-Term Care.”  I really think there should be a question mark at the end of that title!  The “new way” is selling your life insurance policy to a company.

A local support group member mentioned that this is what she was doing years ago; her husband had died, she has no children, and she thought this would be a good way to proceed.

I suggest you speak with a certified financial planner or someone qualified before you take action based upon this newspaper article!

Here’s a link to the article:

newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/09/a-new-way-to-pay-for-long-term-care/

The New Old Age: Caring and Coping
A New Way to Pay for Long-Term Care
The New York Times
By Paula Span
October 9, 2013, 1:36 pm

Robin

10 Topics About Adult Children Caring for Aging Parents

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The article on caring from aging parents is from Hinduism Today magazine.  It’s by a woman who has been caring for her mother for 19 years.

Yesterday, the moderator of the Link2Care email list posted a link to the article.  (Link2Care is an email-based discussion group for California caregivers.)  The moderator describes the author as “very perceptive” in terms of the parent-child relationship.

The author offers practical advice on ten topics, including financial matters, helping one parent (when the other has died), freedom vs. independence, driving, privacy, and acceptance.  Here are short excerpts:

You are still the child: Age seems to make no difference here. Kindness is needed after an adult care-giving child, age 67, has been reminded for the fourth time in 15 minutes to make sure that the front door is locked. Caring parents of any age seem to always take pleasure in making sure that their children are safe and prepared for any eventuality. Perhaps this keeps the mind of an aging parent keen, active and alert. It is wonderful to be so lovingly looked after.

Freedom versus independence: Having an aging parent is like raising a teenager, only in reverse. … Asking the parent questions like “Do you need my help? Can I help you?” might just be answered with, “No.”  It is better to ask, “How are you coming along with that? Be sure and let me know if I can help you.” Changing a few words in any sentence can set a more harmonious and comfortable tone.

Accept your parents as they are: Changing another person is simply impossible (it’s hard enough to change yourself!). If our aging parents annoy, disappoint or frustrate us, the only way that this can ever be turned around is for us, as adult care-giving children, to absorb our reactions within ourselves. Our aging parents are teaching us how to be aging parents. … Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is to treat our parents just as we hope to be treated in the future. 

 

Here’s a link to the full article:

HEALING
Living with Aging Parents
Kindness, compromise and tenacity are daily visitors as I look after my 94-year-old mom
Hinduism Today Magazine
by Damara Shanmugan
October/November/December 2013

Robin

 

 

Helping Someone Who Is Grieving, and Helping Yourself Through Grief

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Susan Weisberg, LCSW, is a social worker in the Bay Area who has worked with hospice for many years.  She recently introduced me to the organization Resources for Grief (resourcesforgrief.com), which sells materials to hospice agencies and others.

Resources for Grief has two companion pieces on its website that are intended for  individuals rather than hospice agencies.  One is on helping someone who is grieving, and the other is helping yourself through grief.  Grieving is described as a “lengthy journey” for which we all need support.  The resources make clear that while death ends life, it doesn’t end our relationship to the person who has died.

Here are a few excerpts from “Helping Someone Who Is Grieving”:

  • Your presence is more important than anything you say. 
  • Make specific and practical offers to help, such as, “Let me pick-up some groceries for you when I’m at the store,” rather than, “if there’s anything you need, give me a call.”
  • Don’t try to lessen the loss with easy answers–“It’s God’s will,” “They’re better off now,” “God needed a little angel in heaven,” or “There must be a reason.”
  • Remember special days–holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Mark them on your calendar.

Here’s a link to all the great suggestions in “Helping Someone Who Is Grieving”:

resourcesforgrief.com/HelpingSomeoneWhoIsGrieving.pdf

Helping Someone Who Is Grieving
Resources For Grief
Copyright 2007

And here are a few excerpts from “Helping Yourself Through Grief”:

  • Provide Gentle Self-Care when Grief is Fresh.
  • Accept Your Feelings.
  • Care for Your Whole Being–Body, Mind, and Spirit. 
  • Seek Ongoing Support. 
  • Embrace the Memories. 

Here’s a link to the ten tips in “Helping Yourself Through Grief”:

resourcesforgrief.com/HelpingYourselfThroughGrief.pdf

Helping Yourself Through Grief
From “The Nature of Grief: Photographs and Words for Reflection and Healing,” by Rebecca Hauder
Resources For Grief

Robin

Seven Suggestions When Interacting With Person With Dementia (or Neurological Disorder)

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Recently, I came across a website by Stan Goldberg, PhD — stangoldbergwriter.com.  The website is about “aging, caregiving, dying, and recovering joy” (maybe not in that order?).

Dr. Goldberg is a retired professor from SF State, and was a hospice volunteer for eight years.  He has published several books including “Lessons for the Living: Stories of Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Courage at the End of Life” and “Leaning Into Sharp Points: Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers.”

In a 2011 article on his website, he offers suggestions of “some things to consider the next time you interact with a person who has or you suspect has dementia.”  Dr. Goldberg’s seven suggestions include:

  • Be Patient.
  • Memories are not willingly lost.
  • Accept changes.
  • Offer help to the person.
  • Offer Help to the Caregiver.
  • You live in different worlds.
  • Be Compassionate.

He asks that we give our best to a person we once knew as gregarious or capable of interacting with us:  “Enjoy their presence while you still can and offer them the support and compassion you would want if it was you who were slowly moving on a one-way road to a strange, structureless place.”

Most of the seven suggestions apply to those without dementia who may need our compassion or help.

Here’s a link to Dr. Golberg’s webpage:

stangoldbergwriter.com/about/its-only-alzheimers-not-the-bloody-plague/

“Some things to consider the next time you interact with a person who has or you suspect has dementia”
Excerpted from “It’s Only Alzheimer’s, Not the Bloody Plague!”
by Stan Goldberg, PhD
July 2011

Robin