This Thursday, I listened to Janet Edmunson’s webinar titled “I’ve had it up to here! Coping with stress while caregiving.” The recording is available, and it’s well worth 45 minutes of time.
I’ve jotted notes below while listening to the webinar. Janet’s main suggestion is to use the 4As to cope with your stress.
There were fewer than 60 participants nationally in the webinar so there weren’t many questions. I’ve included the small Q&A below.
You have to register for the webinar first and then you can link to the recording. See:
attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/5425596579784515073
Robin
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Robin’s Notes from
“I’ve had it up to here! Coping with stress while caregiving”
Webinar by
Janet Edmunson, M.Ed., Affirm Yourself, affirmyourself.com
January 26, 2017
Quotation by Erma Bombeck: “If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?”
What is stress? Response of the body to any demand or stressor made upon it. We have a lot with caregiving.
The body’s response to stress if “fight or flight.” Body systems rev up – heart rate goes up, blood pressure goes up, muscles tighten to prepare for action. Fight = angry, argumentative. Flight = withdraw socially, watching TV excessively, drinking too much alcohol.
Stress response happens in amygdala. Theory that stress response triggers inflammation, which triggers heart disease, etc.
When stress becomes chronic (one crisis after another), it can cause long-term health problems.
Stress is different for us all. Stress starts for our unique perceptions. Stress begins with us.
To combat the response, we must be aware of our perceptions and try to have a more realistic view of them.
First activity: write down what specific things are stressing you lately.
Symptoms of caregiver stress (according to Alzheimer’s Association – but these apply to caregivers of those with any condition): denial; anger; social withdrawal; anxiety; depression; exhaustion; sleeplessness; irritability; lack of concentration; health problems (muscle tension; headache; stomach problems; heart attack; stroke).
“Stress makes us stupid.” Our brain loses focus when concentrating on the stress.
These symptoms are red flags that are alerting you that you need to do something about this stress level. It can’t wait.
Add: behavioral issues; how you think and feel as well as physical issues.
4-A model for coping with stress:
Avoid
Alter
Adapt
Accept
Phil Sweet’s article was helpful in developing this webinar. (She found it by googling “4 As.”)
AVOID
Avoid unnecessary stress. Some stressors we should not avoid.
– Learn to say “no.” Caregiving or household tasks can be delegated to others. If you get overwhelmed, you may feel resentful.
– Avoid people who stress you out.
– Control your environment. Example – turn off the evening news if it makes you anxious. Example – avoid traffic if it stresses you out. Example – if you don’t like grocery shopping, try grocery delivery or ask friends to help you with grocery shopping.
– Stop time wasters.
ALTER
Alter the situation if you can’t avoid the stressor. Change the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.
– Be more assertive. Don’t be a passenger. Anticipate and prevent problems. Set “care limits” by being assertive. Example – insist on professional caregivers even when husband pushed back. Example – insist on respite time even when care recipient disagrees.
– Express your feelings. May be impossible if dealing with someone with dementia or executive function. Use “I” statements. Example – “I feel frustrated with XYZ. Is there something we can do?”
– Be flexible and willing to compromise. Especially true if you always want to be in control.
– Manage your time better. Poor time management adds to your stress. Constantly prioritize your tasks and even your relationships. Drop the unimportant tasks and relationships off your to-do list. Task: write down 3 things you want to do more of, and write down 3 things you could do less of. This gives you an idea of what’s most important and what can be dropped off the list.
ADAPT
Important study on happiness: only 10% of happiness is due to external circumstances (money, etc). 50% is how we see the world based on our heredity (optimistic, pessimistic). Still leaves 40% – we can control with our own attitudes and choices. We can choose our responses!
Adapt means changing yourself.
– Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from more positive perspective. Example – be thankful for the patience you are learning. Example – to cope with Charles’s yelling, think about why Charles was yelling rather than responding emotionally to the yelling.
– Look at the big picture. Can you say “oh well”?
– Adjust unrealistic perfectionism. Example – to-go food rather than home-cooked meals.
– Focus on the positives. Think about what you appreciate in life. At the end of each day, ask yourself “what went well?” Savor these positives.
Question: Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
ACCEPT
– Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. We couldn’t change the fact that Charles had a neurological condition but we could change our attitude about that and give Charles the best life possible. Look for meaning or gifts that struggles bring. If you look, you will find something!
– Accept mistakes. Usually not the end of the world. Or ask for forgiveness.
– Learn to forgive. Maya Angelou changed the word to “give for”; she gave something good to someone else.
– Share your feelings. Join a support group, talk to a friend, or meet with a professional therapist.
5th A sometimes used – ADOPT
– Make time for fun and relaxation.
– Exercise. Can affect stress hormones. Can act as an anti-depressant.
– Eat well. Keeps you strong.
– Get enough sleep. Make this a priority. If you can’t get to sleep, try deep breathing, counting, song lyrics (with visualization), read, jot down worries, etc.
YOUR ACTION PLAN
What of these suggestions will you adopt?
Quotation by Terri Guillemets: “Stress if the trash of modern life – we all generate it, but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.”
Q&A
Q: I am dealing with a bad attitude 24×7.
A: Could ask “what’s going well?” to try to get a care recipient to appreciate positives.
Get professional help. If not, at least find a friend who is willing to let you dump on them.
Avoid the home. Bring someone in to sit with spouse, if needed.
Q: Spouse is combative and resists caregivers.
A: Don’t take it personally. Your well-being is as important as spouse’s.
Are there ways to get help that wouldn’t be direct caregiving? Examples – housework, grocery shopping, yard work.
Sometimes care recipients soften up when it comes to having caregivers in the home.
Need to find support for self.
NEXT WEBINAR:
Tuesday, September 19, 4pm CA time – “Feel empowered while caregiving”