Thanks to local therapist, Nina Poletika, LMFT, for sharing this resource with me.
The Mayo Clinic has a “Healthy Lifestyles: Caregivers” section on its website. Mayo Clinic Staff offer suggestions for how caregivers can cope with various disorders. Though this article offers suggestions for Alzheimer’s caregivers, I think the advice fits families dealing with all disorders.
Five suggestions are offered for families where there is conflict:
1) Share responsibility
2) Meet face-to-face regularly
3) Ask someone to mediate if needed
4) Be honest and don’t criticize
5) Join a support group, and/or seek family counseling
Some details behind each of these suggestions is provided below.
If you need help in the local area finding a counselor, let me know. Or contact your local caregiver resource center in California (www.caregiver.org/californias-caregiver-resource-centers). Or ask at a local senior center, support group meeting, or place of worship.
Counselors can also be family meeting mediators. The social workers at Family Caregiver Alliance occasionally perform this task. There’s also an academy of professional family mediators (apfmnet.org).
Robin
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www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/caregivers/in-depth/art-20047365
Alzheimer’s: Dealing with family conflict
Alzheimer’s disease can cause stress for families. Work through family conflicts together so that you can focus on what’s important.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Last Updated Sept. 05, 2015
When a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, the effects on the family can be overwhelming. The reality that someone you care for has Alzheimer’s can trigger a range of emotions — including anger, fear, frustration and sadness. Conflicts are common as family members struggle to deal with the changes.
To minimize conflict, address the issues together.
Share responsibility
When figuring out how you’re loved one will be cared for, consider each family member’s preferences, resources and abilities.
Some might provide hands-on care, either in their own homes or in your loved one’s home. Others might be more comfortable with respite care, household chores or errands. You and your family might also choose someone to handle financial or legal issues.
Meet regularly
To stay on top of your loved one’s care, plan regular family meetings. Include everyone who’s part of the caregiving team, including family friends and other close contacts. You might also share email updates with the entire family, or send updates through social media resources.
During family meetings, discuss each person’s caregiving responsibilities and challenges — and make changes as needed. Be open to compromise and possibilities you hadn’t considered on your own.
If your family meetings tend to turn into arguments, consider asking a counselor, social worker, mediator or other professional to moderate.
[This next suggestion in not on the Mayo Clinic website so I’ve adapted it from a Huffington Post article.]Ask someone to mediate
Engage the services of a mediator when all else fails. It can be helpful to involve a neutral third party.
Be honest
To help diffuse any tension, talk about your feelings in an open, constructive manner. If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, say so — and then work together to brainstorm more effective ways to share the burden of your loved one’s care. Again, work with a professional if needed.
Be careful to express your feelings without blaming or shaming anyone else. Use “I” statements, such as “I’m having trouble juggling my own schedule with all of dad’s appointments.” Keep an open mind as you listen to other family members share their thoughts and feelings.
Don’t criticize
There are many “right” ways to provide care. Respect each caregiver’s abilities, style and values. Be especially supportive of family members responsible for daily, hands-on care.
Consider counseling
If you’re concerned that the stress of Alzheimer’s will tear your family apart, seek help. You might join a support group for Alzheimer’s caregivers, seek family counseling or ask for advice from your care team.
Remember, working through conflicts together can help you move on to more important things — caring for your loved one and enjoying your time together as much as possible.