“My Life After Caregiving” (caring.com)

Though this article was written by a woman who lost her mother awhile ago to Alzheimer’s, the messages apply to all caregivers, regardless of diagnosis.

The author of this Caring.com post shares feelings and experiences she’s had post-caregiving including:
* relief:  “I felt a powerful sense of release.”
* reflection
* sadness, loneliness and guilt
* finding support:  “The need for a strong support network doesn’t end once caregiving does.”
* regaining time and money
* re-discovering happier memories

Here’s a link to the post:

www.caring.com/articles/my-life-after-caregiving

My Life After Caregiving
My experience so far after the “long goodbye”
By Dayna Steele, Chief Caring Expert
Last updated: Dec 01, 2016
(First posted: June 2016)
Caring.com

“More Iowans face multiple system atrophy diagnosis”

Here’s a link to a nice letter-to-the-editor of The Des Moines Register about a woman’s father with MSA:

www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/readers/2017/04/12/more-iowans-face-multiple-system-atrophy-diagnosis/100332402/

More Iowans face multiple system atrophy diagnosis
Darcy Maulsby, Lake City
Letter to the Editor
6:00 p.m. CT April 12, 2017

The daughter discusses blood pressure issues, the facial mask, small handwriting, and the medication Northera.

The letter refers to a public TV story two years ago about MSA:

www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2015/04/07/dan-miller-rare-disease-multiple-syndrome-atrophy/25439089/

“Boot Camp” Helps Dementia Caregivers Take Care of Themselves

This is a Kaiser Health News article today about a dementia caregivers boot camp.  Caregivers learn how to “manage stress, make their homes safe and handle difficult patient behaviors. They also [learn] how to keep their loved ones engaged, with card games, crossword puzzles or music.”

The author notes:  “Doctors and researchers increasingly recognize that caring for people with dementia compromises the physical and mental health of the caregivers. And that, in turn, jeopardizes the well-being of the people they are caring for. Some studies have shown that the burden on caregivers may increase the likelihood that the loved ones in their charge will be placed in a nursing home.”

If you’d rather listen to this article, click here to listen to a (very similar) 3-minute WBUR radio story:

californiahealthline.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/bur6863296764.mp3

According to the radio story, UCLA wants to start similar bootcamps around the state in the coming year.

The full article is copied below.

Robin

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khn.org/news/boot-camp-helps-alzheimers-dementia-caregivers-take-care-of-themselves-too/‘Boot Camp’ Helps Alzheimer’s, Dementia Caregivers Take Care Of Themselves, Too
By Anna Gorman
May 9, 2017
Kaiser Health NewsLOS ANGELES — Gary Carmona thought he could do it all. He’s run companies and chaired nonprofit boards. But since his wife was diagnosed with dementia, Carmona, 77, has felt overwhelmed.

“I really see myself at times crashing,” he said. “In my mind, I’m saying, ‘You know, I can’t really handle all this.’”

There was the time his wife, Rochelle, wandered outside and fell down. And the time she boiled water and walked away, leaving the burner on.

“I’m always double-, triple-, quadruple-checking everything that she’s around,” he said.

Carmona was among about 25 people who went to a Los Angeles-area adult day care center on a recent Saturday for a daylong “caregiver boot camp.” In the free session, funded in part by the Archstone Foundation, people caring for patients with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia learned how to manage stress, make their homes safe and handle difficult patient behaviors. They also learned how to keep their loved ones engaged, with card games, crossword puzzles or music.

Doctors and researchers increasingly recognize that caring for people with dementia compromises the physical and mental health of the caregivers. And that, in turn, jeopardizes the well-being of the people they are caring for. Some studies have shown that the burden on caregivers may increase the likelihood that the loved ones in their charge will be placed in a nursing home.

“People with Alzheimer’s who have stressed caregivers have been shown to have poor outcomes,” said Zaldy Tan, the medical director of the UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Program who created the boot camp. “Their caregivers have essentially thrown in the towel.”

People with dementia are also more likely to go to the emergency room and be hospitalized if their caregivers aren’t prepared for the job, Tan said.

That’s one of the main reasons why UCLA Health and its geriatrics division started its caregiver boot camps in 2015.

UCLA holds four boot camps a year at community and senior centers around Southern California and hopes to expand over the next year to meet the growing need. About 5 million Americans, 1 in 10 people over 65, have Alzheimer’s disease — a number that could balloon to 16 million by 2050, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Similar caregiver training programs have taken place in New Jersey, Florida and Virginia.

Tan started the recent session by explaining the progression of dementia, noting that in its later stages people often don’t remember their loved ones.

“Do they all reach that stage?” asked one woman, who takes care of her sister.

“They do, if they live long enough,” Tan said. “I know it’s heartbreaking.”

He also warned the group that their actions can provoke anxiety or aggression in their loved ones, inadvertently.

“A lot of times, when you see someone shift from being calm to agitated, happy to angry, typically there’s a trigger,” Tan said. “A trigger is just like a trigger in a gun. You push something and then you get a reaction.” He told them that as caregivers they were in the best position to identify and avoid those triggers.

Leon Waxman, who also attended the boot camp, said he tries not to upset his wife, Phyllis. But sometimes she gets mad, as she did that day when he dropped her off for day care while he attended the session for caregivers.

Taking care of Phyllis the past few years has been trying, he said. She can still dress herself, but she gets easily confused and can no longer make decisions.

“The hardest part for me is I don’t have a wife anymore,” said Waxman, who has been married to Phyllis for 58 years. “She’s not the same person she was 10 years ago.”

During the boot camp, recreational therapist Patty Anderson demonstrated a game caregivers could play at home: music bingo. Each square had the name of a song, and she played music.

“What’s this song?” Anderson asked the group.

“Bye blackbird,” one yelled out.

“If you have that one, mark it off,” she said.

Anderson said that even people with dementia can sometimes recognize songs and read their titles. “There’s a lot of good things that come out of this activity — just listening to music, clapping your hands, reminiscing,” she said.

In another room, occupational therapist Julie Manton explained how to prevent people with dementia from falling. She advised the group to ensure their homes have good lighting and the beds have rails, as examples. She also urged them to get rid of throw rugs.

Manton warned the participants that their loved ones might wander off and suggested the use of monitoring devices. “The key thing is to know where your loved one is at all times,” she said.

KHN’s coverage in California is funded in part by Blue Shield of California Foundation.

“Caregiver Burnout: 10 Ways to Manage Caregiver Stress”

Home care agencies often have monthly or weekly e-newsletters with good articles.  Here’s one from Home Care Assistance about caregiver burnout.  They list ten suggestions for managing caregiver stress, including:

1.  Eat well
2.  Sleep well
3.  Take a walk
4.  Stay in touch with friends
5.  Acknowledge your feelings
6.  Schedule breaks
7.  Organization is your friend
8.  Take advantage of community resources
9.  Incorporate new habits into your day
10. Talk

Here’s a link to the full article:

homecareassistance.com/blog/caregiver-burnout-10-ways-manage-caregiver-stress

Caregiver Burnout: 10 Ways to Manage Caregiver Stress
Home Care Assistance
April 25, 2017

“Living Guilt Free” – notes from one-hour talk

CaregiverTeleconnection is a service offered by WellMed, a charity based in San Antonio.  These are one-hour conference calls on topics of interest to caregivers and family members.  You can find information on these conference calls at caregiverteleconnection.org.

In late April 2017, one of the audio talks featured Lucy Barylak, a social worker.  Her topic was why we feel guilty as caregivers and how we can live guilt free.  Constant guilty feelings increase anxiety and stress, contribute to caregiver burnout, and can lead to clinical depression.

Brain Support Network volunteer Denise Dagan listened to the talk and took some notes.  See below.

Robin

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soundcloud.com/caregiverteleconnection/living-guilt-free-with-lucy-barylak-msw-42617

Living Guilt Free with Lucy Barylak, MSW
CaregiverTeleconnection
April 26, 2017

Guilt comes from our families value systems.  We feel guilty when we feel we have done something we shouldn’t have done, or haven’t done something that we should have.

It also has to do with your own self-esteem, especially due to messages from our parents during our childhood.
– If you have low self esteem you may tend to rehash situations and feel guilty
– If you have good self esteem, you are usually better able to let the situation go and accept that, either
— you have done the best you can, or
— you know to do something differently next time.

Constant guilty feelings increase anxiety and stress, contribute to caregiver burnout, and can lead to clinical depression.

Caregivers shoulder much responsibility.  Their time and energy is stretched in several directions.
Feelings of guilt can be due to:
– not having the energy to help when a reasonable request is made of you.
– not having the patience to calmly manage the demands of caregiving and losing your temper.
Try to recognize your negative response to these situations mean you are being stretched too thin.

The remedy is to:
– Learn that it is okay to say no to demands before you become stressed out, and to
– Reach out and engage some help with either your household chores or caregiving duties.
In order to welcome help into your situation, allow for differences in how tasks are performed from the way you do things.

Sometimes, caregivers feel guilty about having an enjoyable experience because their ill family member can no longer participate in the same enjoyable activities they used to be able to.  It is important to let that thinking go, because caregiver respite is important for your physical and mental health.  If the primary caregiver’s health declines, care of the care recipient will suffer.

Placement in a facility is a huge guilt-inducing issue for caregivers.  To avoid guilt over this issue:
– Talk with the care recipient about this possibility well before the need for placement is at hand.
– Engage the care recipient in the decision about when and where to move to a facility, as much as possible.
– Stop and review your value system before making the decision. Usually, placing someone isn’t until caring for them at home has become too much of a burden, physically, financially, or both.  It is not the first course of action and usually occurs after many years of family caregiving.  As long as you have considered all your options and the care recipient has good care, set aside guilt over having to place someone in a facility.

A teleconference participant says she feels guilty not visiting her Mother every day, now that she has been placed in a facility, but she works long hours and has young children so visiting is a burden.  As normal as these feelings are, it is not a realistic expectation to be able to continue visiting every day given the other demands on her time for as long as her mother will live. She needs to put some faith in the staff at the nursing home and communication in place with them to get the information she needs to know her mother has good care without turning up in person every day.

When you feel guilty, stop and do a bit of self evaluation as to what are your value systems and why do you feel guilty about the current situation.

The speaker told a story about caring for her mother.  When her mother began to need insulin injections a nurse began to instruct the speaker in how to do the injections.  The speaker declined to learn because of the demands already on her time and her queasiness over needles.  She did not feel guilty because she knew her limitations.  The nurse found someone else to provide this service, and the speaker realized it is fine to set reasonable limits.  Those making demands on you WILL find another way to accomplish what needs doing if YOU are not the one doing it.  You are simply the most convenient person to ask, but you are not the only option.

A very difficult situation is when you are caring for someone with whom you do not have a good relationship, the guilt (anger, helplessness, resentment, etc.) can kick in so you are not behaving as your best self by having a short temper, etc.  You may want to seek counseling for assistance in dealing with these feelings if you must remain in the situation.

With respect to judging other people’s choices.  They are not heartless.  They have a different value system from you.